Lover/Unbalanced Hero

I am a hero as a lover because of my love for my family, friends, singing, and God. I am very close to my family and love them so much, they support me with any and everything I set my mind to. I also do the same for them. Some believe that I hate my brother with a passion, but that is the total opposite of how I feel. If I hated my brother he would receive NOTHING from me (no support, no presents, nothing), and not have my complete and total support for him with baseball. I love ALL of my family very much and I have a massively huge family, so that is a lot. Then, there is also my many friends that I love to death and always will. Some of them I have known since my first breath and others I am still making. No matter how long we have known each other, it doesn't matter, I still love them and hope they do well in life.

Not only do I love my family and friends, but I also LOVE to sing. I could sing all day every day, which is why I am in choir. I have been singing ever since I can remember and have been in choir since about the fourth grade. For me choir is my passion just like baseball is for my brother and all of his friends. Even though sometimes I may be tired or don't feel like singing in practice I am still going to because it makes me better at what I love. On top of all of these things I also have an immensely huge love for God. He created me, protects me, and loves me and everyone else. I know I can always count on him to hear my prayers and listen to me all of the time.

But, despite all of this I am also an unbalanced hero. I am extremely shy, like I hide behind anything really. Whether it's my makeup, hair, clothes, personality, or whatever it's not always the real me. I am un balanced by jumping back and forth between the real me and the person I hide behind, sometimes it has me so confused and thrown off. Though I don't sound like much of a hero, I am because I do love and care about others and what happens to them. I will always be there for them and they will always be there for me no matter what and that, in my opinion, not only make a good friend but a true hero. Just care about others!!!

The Quest

My quest is the quest for Identity. I suppose I do have one since everyone does, but I'm still looking for who I really am. When I was really little, like most people, I didn't care who I was or who was friends with me, because pretty much everyone was friends with everyone. Then, probably in about the fifth grade, I started to worry about how I looked, who I was friends with, who hated me, and all sorts of other stuff that shouldn't necessarily matter. Just a couple of years ago I realized that kind of stuff shouldn't matter and who cares, but once again because of my shyness factor I couldn't stop caring. So I tried to "change" not necessarily who I was but more of how I acted, which I guess could be the same thing.

After meeting one of my best friends, Jessica Cox, and seeing her act CRAZY everyday I realized I was missing our on so much worrying about being "popular" and decided i was going to just be me. The only problem to that solution was after saying that I realized I didn't know who "I" really was. I knew that I was Jessica Jones a super, smart, nerd, in middle school, who LOVED choir, singing, God, and her friends and family, but that was all I knew. I didn't know how i was supposed to act or what I'm supposed to be when I grow up. It got me to thinking am I really this shy girl or am i the more outgoing girl that I am when I'm with my friends? I am still not really sure what the answer to this question is but, hey, that's why it's my quest, right?

My Mentor

My Mentor is none other than my older cousin Shelley Egan. She has always been there for me and i love her so much. Even though we are quite a few years apart, in fact we are about seven years apart I still look up to her. Now that I think about it she has always been my mentor ever since I was little. I remember going to gymnastics every week and looking over and seeing Shelley doing the big girl tumbling and stuff and always saying I was going to be just like her. Then, she moved into high school and became a cheerleader at North Mesquite, and I would want to go to every game to see her. As she graduated high school and moved into college as a cheerleader at Stephen F. Austin I still supported and support her.

I am very glad that she has been so successful because it helps me realize I have picked a wonderful person to look up to. Though we do not necessarily have the same interests I know she still and always will support me. She has always been there for me pretty much whenever I need her. Even while she has been in college I still get texts and see her on holidays. No matter what I wanted to do when I was younger she would play with me even though she was out of the Barbie phase as I was going into it, she would play with me for hours. She would do pretty much anything for me and I love her for that. I have always looked up to her and I know she will always be there no matter how far away she is these things and many more make her my mentor.

My Threshold Guardian

My very dear and best friend is Lyndsey Sneed. I have known Lyndsey or rather she has known me since my first breath in this world. She was at the hospital with her family the day, hour, minute, second I was born. She has always been like more of a sister than a friend which is partly why I think she is my threshold guardian. It has not been the typical best friend situation for us, we really acted more like enemies when we were younger we would treat each other so terrible and break each others toys only to come back today and laugh about it. She is my threshold guardian because of all of this, the bad times, not just the good times but, yes, the horrible awful times we had together, also.

She has taught me so much not just about school and growing up, but also life and friendship. The times when we would fight brought us together the most because it taught me so much. She challenges me everyday and sometimes I fail but it helps me because the next time I am faced with that problem I will know what not to do. If ever I cannot get through a problem I know she will help me. The one thing she has helped me with the most is my relationship with God. She used to challenge me to learn a new memory verse every week but now she challenges me to spend time with God everyday even when I don't feel like doing anything at all. She always helps me and prays for me when I am going through a tough time. Though we do fight we will always come back laughing about it again and someday she will read this and know how much she means to me and has helped me. It is not the help but the challenges she puts me through that makes her my best friend and threshold guardian.

My Shadow, The Devil

The devil is my shadow and he is the deadliest thing known to man. He is always trying to bring me down and trying to keep me away from God, convincing me that I don't need him. The devil is always after me and will never stop until he reaches his goal of crushing me and getting me away from God, but he never will. Constantly, I am battling the devil to stand up for what I believe in and prove that I am strong and do truly love God. Sometimes it does get hard with the temptations of worldly things and struggles he throws my way. The devil helps cause sin and sin, too, is my shadow. When I sin I feel so bad and want to stop but we are human and we will sin. That is why we must try our hardest not to. Even though we will fail at times we can try to sin less frequently because we cannot be perfect because we are not expected to be, but sin will always be there as will the devil. This is why the devil and sin are and always will be my shadows.

Jessica, My Tricky Trickster

My trickster in life is my very crazy best friend, Jessica Cox! She has always been there for me to cheer me up whenever I am sad or just need a laugh, and no matter what it works. There are also times, however, that should be serious and where I need to focus on a project or something that just joking becomes distracting. We could just be sitting there doing our work the one of us would look at the other in a funny or weird way an we would crack up, then never get back on track again. Just the other day we were sitting in choir and I was trying to finish some homework that was do later that day. Then, all of the sudden I looked up for something and Jessica is acting like she's hiding from me behind one of our other friends, so I start playing along and we are cracking up. Then I crept up behind one of them and she starts rolling on the floor laughing and there was no way what so ever that I was going to finish my homework in that class.

Besides the bad distracting she does she can also just take a bad day and turn it upside down and make it a good day. Even if we are not together I can just text her or look back on a day we spent together laughing. One day our eighth grade year we had a "problem" and I was so upset. The next day we came back I thought she would hate me but we ended up laughing about it. We have had so many good times and adventures together and many more to come. She makes me laugh and distracts me at the same time which is why she is my trickster.

My Faith in God

My faith and love for God is stronger and bigger than anything else. I know he feels the same way about me too and will always protect me. God is there to protect me he created me. My religion and faith has always and I mean ALWAYS been a part of me and who I am. I am a Christian and as you will find out later accepted Jesus/God as my savior at a very young age. No matter how big of a mess I am in God will always get me out I know he will, because I have faith in him. A definition of faith is believing, trusting in, and having loyalty to God. My faith in God is strong for many reasons. First, because I know and love him. Second, because of all the things he has helped me through, particularly in the last year. Then, third, by putting Jessica Hamilton in my life, even for the short time that was.

I spend A LOT of my time with God. Whether it be in prayer, devotion, or in worship. He's just a part of me and with all the times I mention him you can probably guess that. He also helps me out. Last year I was going through tough times. Anywhere from fights or arguments with friends to crying because of my youth pastor leaving, it was just hard for me. I was so low and kept on thinking that I thought could not get any lower, but boy did God prove me wrong. He was literally carrying me on my shoulders. It has taken me a while to cope with the changes, but with God I know I will get through it because like I have said I have faith in him.

Lastly, Jessica Hamilton has also strengthened my faith. She taught me so much in the three years that I was lucky to have a chance to know her. She is still with me and in my heart everywhere I go. The one thing that I learned from her is there is no excuse not to skip spending time with the lord. She always made me laugh from the huge smile on her face to the kindness of her heart. I remember if I was having a bad day she would treat me as if i was worse than her, not in a bad way but she would try to do anything to make me feel better and of course it worked. One thing that will always stick with me about Jessica is what one of my friends told me about her. We were talking after Jessica passed away and she told me I remember watching Jessica give her testimony to a teacher and hearing it. So she told me and I broke out in tears. Thinking of Jessica still brings tears to my eyes, it also makes me think of how she is in a better place and all of people, including me that she helped. This strengthened my faith by knowing even if it is not what I want God does have a plan and it may not be benefiting you but someone else and that to is another thing Jessica liked helping people. Every time I think of my faith or faith in general Jessica seems to pop up in the back of my mind. I have faith in God to help me over come an obstacle and do what he knows is best for me.